Odd 'Lil Fics
by TimeGuardian
Summary: In a series of short stories, watch the misadventures of Dr. Quest as he tries to help Race Bannon with mostly disasterous results. Previously posted to the JQML as seperate stories.
1. Chapter 1

_Some will find this series of shorts familiar - I had posted them to the JQML before. I decided to give them a little polish and present them here. For what reasons you may ask? Utter depravity? Attention seeking? Well, I plead the fifth, so there. :P_

_With tongue firmly in cheek, I present:_

_Odd lil fic part 12 million and two: Outmatched Matchmaker_

It was a quiet evening in the Quest compound as Dr. Benton Quest settled down on the living room sofa with a book and began to read. The kids were in the lighthouse cooking up a new program for QuestWorld, and Race-

He heard the front door slam, and a few minutes later Race stood before him. Dr. Quest did his best not to laugh, but failed miserably. His friend and bodyguard was soaking wet, his clothes sticking tightly to his skin, and if he wasn't mistaken, reeked distinctly of fish.

"Race, I-"

The look Race gave him quieted his laughter. "The next time I mention my love life to you, do me a favor and don't help!"

Dr. Quest put his hands up in mock surrender. "Arlene is a highly regarded member of the scientific community and-"

"She's a marine biologist," Race finished. "I know, I know. Her idea of a good time was to take me on a boat tour of the ecosystems just off the coast. It wasn't so bad until we ran out of fuel."

"Ran out of fuel?" Dr. Quest's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Yeah, imagine my surprise." Race replied dryly. "Anyhow, she put on some music and unpacked a picnic lunch consisting of wine, bread, oysters, and caviar. Arlene encouraged me to relax and claimed that she called the coast guard. Three hours later, after she had a downed the bottle of wine and half the oysters, she came on to me and wouldn't leave me alone. I had to swim to shore to get away from her."

"Which explains the state of your clothes and the smell," Dr. Quest commented. "I didn't realize she would do that to you. Why don't you go upstairs and get cleaned up?"

Race pointed at him. "Only if you promise me that you will never interfere in my love life ever again."

"but-"

Race gave him a sadistic smile. "No buts or I call that lab assistant you met in Singapore and tell her that you are interested in her."

Shuddering, Dr. Quest remembered all too well the brunette who helped him in Singapore. She had been so overly eager to impress him and snag a date, she had nearly blown up the lab they were working in at the time. It was easily apparent that he couldn't win this battle. "Okay, Okay, I promise. Now go on up before you ruin the carpet."

Race stomped off and headed up the stairs, his hair dripping water everywhere.

With a sigh, Dr. Quest returned to his book and continued reading.

Minutes later, the phone rang. Dr. Quest grabbed for the cordless phone sitting on the arm of the sofa and answered it. "Hello?"

The purr of the silky female voice on the other end of the line was unmistakable. "Why hello Doctor Quest, I was wondering if I could talk to that sexy bodyguard of yours."

It was Jade. He groaned and then thought for a moment before he replied. "Ah, Jade, actually this is not the best time-"

"But nonsense- I just wanted to ask him-"

He guessed what she was going to ask, and figured Race had enough of dating for a while. "No buts, Jade. Trust me, Race could use all the time off he can get."

Before she could protest further, Dr. Quest hung up the phone and turned back to his book.

An hour later, Race came into the living room, hair dry and wearing a fresh set of clothes.

"Hey Benton, if Jade calls, tell her I'll meet her at the airport in an hour, ok? She wanted me to go with her to Tokyo to have lunch."

Dr. Quest stared at him in disbelief before he dropped his book and stood up.

He got as far as the front door before Race asked him. "Where are you going?"

He turned and looked at Race with a sour expression. "To Singapore. I think I would rather take my chances with the brunette."


	2. Chapter 2

_Odd lil fic part twelve million and three: Revenge on the Matchmaker: Race's Revenge_

"Remind me why we are here again?" Dr. Quest asked for the fifth time as Race led the way into a local Maine hotel.

"Intel from I-One headquarters indicates that the person who had stolen the genetics research is in this hotel," Race reminded him. "We have an 'in'. He's due to drop off the info at one of the convention rooms, we just have to figure out which one."

Dr. Quest followed him into the lobby of the hotel and into another hallway where there was a group of conference rooms. Three sets of doors were lined up, each of them labeled Conference One, Conference Two, and Conference three respectively.

"Why do I feel like I am on a game show?" Dr. Quest asked. "What do we do now?"

"It's simple enough," Race replied. "We each take one of the first two rooms and if they don't pan out, then we can team up on the third."

Dr. Quest nodded. "Okay. I'll take the first one, you take the second."

Race put his hand out to stop him before he could move towards the first room. "Ah, I think it would be better if I take the first room. You know the tendency of the crooks to pick the first room they see."

And before Dr. Quest could raise a protest, Race headed towards the first door and went inside the room.

_Well that was odd._

Slowly, he walked towards the second conference room and opened the door- and walked into complete chaos.

* * *

An hour later, Race leaned against the door leading into conference room two. He checked his watch and with a smile, noticed a man walking up to him that was wearing a robe. He had recognized him as Dennis, the one he talked to the night before over the phone.

Dennis stopped in front of Race and glanced at the closed door to the conference room. "Race, man, I know you paid me to show up late to this bachelorette party, but are you sure the ladies are all right in there?"

Suddenly, the door to the conference room opened, and Dr. Quest dashed out, dressed only in a pair of dark blue briefs.

The doctor's bare chest heaved from exertion, and his face was covered with at least with at least fifteen different sets lip impressions, all in varying shades of lipstick.

Race suppressed a chuckle. "Oh I would say they made out just fine."

Dr. Quest glared at Race. "You couldn't have just set me up with the brunette from Singapore, could you?"

Before Race could reply, the conference door opened and two ladies peered out.

One of them looked around and spotted Dr. Quest. "There you are!"

Race could have sworn that the Doctor's face went stark white before he turned and ran down the hall. A swarm of ladies erupted from the conference room and decided to give chase.

Race stared after Dr. Quest and then looked back at Dennis.

In reply, Dennis held out his hand. "You owe me 350 dollars for the gig he stole from me."

Race sighed as he dug his wallet out from his back pocket. "It's a deal."


	3. Chapter 3

_Odd lil fic part 13 million and three forths: Bandit's Day Out_

Jonny Quest sat at the dining table in the kitchen, snacking on a piece of pie, when he noticed the kitchen side door open, and in ran Bandit, followed by his father, whose clothes were caked with dirt and reeking of dog.

As Bandit hightailed it for the living room, Jonny put down his fork and gawked. "Dad, what have you been doing, playing in the bushes? When you asked to borrow Bandit for the afternoon, I half expected to you to take him for a run or something. What happened?"

Dr. Quest wearily trudged over and took a seat beside his son at the table. "I was just doing an experiment in linguistics is all. I took him to the dog park that just opened on the other side of town, and fitted Bandit with a collar that would play certain formulated sounds that dogs normally make."

Jonny arched a brow. "You were trying to talk to the dogs? You are aware that Bandit is a dog, I hope."

"Ha, ha," his father replied wryly. "Bandit clammed up around the other dogs, so I had to resort to those measures- only when I started playing the sounds, they had- unwanted side effects."

Jonny was grinning from ear to ear. "Unwanted, eh? Do tell."

Dr. Quest squirmed in his seat. "Well, it seemed that the sounds attracted canines of the female persuasion that were in the park. They were swarming around Bandit like flies.

At first I thought they were going to attack him, but..."

His son was doubled over in laughter at this point. "You turned Bandit into...a..a..gigolo?"

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" His father retorted. "Anyhow they would have all pounced if I hadn't had the presence of mind to yank him out of there and run. I just didn't anticipate them following us, that's all. I think I managed to lose them in some shrubs on the back here."

Jonny finally managed to stifle his laughter. "I'm sorry, Pop. You have to admit that the situation is kinda funny. Just be glad Race didn't get wind of this, he really would have laid it on thick."

Just then, they both heard the distinct ring of the front doorbell.

A few moments later, Race walked into the kitchen. "Hey Benton, the police are here, said something about you and Bandit inciting a riot at the dog par-"

He stopped short when he saw the condition of Dr. Quest's clothes. "Dare I even ask?"

Dr. Quest shook his head and got up from his chair. "If anyone needs me, I'll be explaining to the authorities about the merits of animal linguistics."


	4. Chapter 4

_Odd lil fic part two kazillion and three: Speed Date Disaster_

He knew better than this.

When they pulled up in front of the restaurant, his instincts screamed for him to beat a hasty retreat. However, Race Bannon had promised his employer that he would try it, just to get his mind off the dating disasters he had experienced during the year. It was either that or be subjected to unwanted "dating" advice from now on. Considering his employer's track record, it seemed best to get it over with now and banish and/or disavow any memory of it later.

"I don't know about this Benton. I'd rather face a room full of Zin's flunkies than go in there."

Dr. Benton Quest sat at the wheel of the car and pointed towards the door to the restaurant. "Go. You have the night off anyway. Besides, I was sick and tired of you moping around the compound about Jade."

A night off? Sure, that couldn't be beat, but- "Speed dating? You think this will help me get over Jade? Seeing half a dozen women and getting a ten minute life story from each of them?"

Benton sighed. "Let me put it this way. The last time you saw Jade, you crashed her car, got her hideaway in Singapore burned down by angry gem smugglers, and left her to rot in their prison for three months before we bailed her out. Do you honestly believe that she wants to see you anytime soon?"

Memories of half a dozen unreturned phone messages and a dozen roses returned mutilated ran through his mind. With a sigh, Race got out of the car muttering. "If I am not back in an hour, it's all your fault."

* * *

Race knew he was in trouble from the moment he walked into the restaurant's main meeting room. A long table had been lined up, with six seats on each side. Six ladies stood in one corner, gossiping and laughing. Occasionally some of them looked over at him, and turned back to their circle, the gossip increasingly growing louder.

The rest of the men were gathered into another corner. They ranged in age and looks, with at least one looking like he should have already retired from the dating scene with slicked back, oiled down hair and a green leisure suit with wide lapels.

It was then that man turned and went to a corner where a microphone sat on a stand. "OK, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Stanley, and I will be moderating this speed date tonight. Now why don't all of you take a seat, and we will begin in short order."

Race stared as the ladies took their positions at the other side of the table, and the remaining guys took their seats beside him.

Stanley the emcee waved his hand wildly. "Your time starts now, good luck!"

The first lady to sit down in front of him appeared to be a charming sort: Youngish, mid thirties, her hair the color of golden honey.

He extended a hand to her as she sat down. "Hi, I am Race Bannon."

She tittered nervously. "Hi, I'm Candy." She extended her own hand, grabbing his hand in a brief handshake.

After the handshake though, she seemed spent. Grinning, she just simply stared at him through all of his questions and giggled on occasion.

Yes, this was going to be a long, long hour.

* * *

Ten minutes came and went, and soon Stanley announced. "Okay, time to switch!"

Race took a long breath as he watched Candy get up from her seat and wave coyly at him. Surely it could only get better than this.

The next lady who sat down seemed kind of quiet and shy, despite her being nearly six feet tall. Her long brown hair hung in ringlets that complimented her face, and the black

strapless dress only served to elongate her form.

Race decided to take the initiative this go around, offering his hand. "Hi, I am Race Bannon."

"And I am Melissa," she replied, grabbing for his hand and giving it a hearty shake. "You must be quite a man of action to have a nickname like Race. What does it stand for? Do you have any kids? Have you been married before? I had, and I have to tell you it is no picnic. I-"

He smiled and nodded as Melissa burst forth in a long-winded explanation of the two ex-husbands she had and each and every one of their individual faults, including number one's penchant for leaving the toilet seat up.

So much for appearances. Race couldn't get a word in edgewise, so he just sat back, nodding politely at random intervals.

Four more...only four more, he just had to keep telling himself that.

* * *

The next three ladies came at him in a blur. There wasn't much to note about them, other than the fact that they only reaffirmed his belief that he needed to flee. In fact, Race

nearly bolted for the door, until he heard the announcement from Stanley. "OK, last switch of the night!"

Last switch? Well it would only be another ten minutes...

His decision made, Race heaved a sigh as the last lady sat in front of him and- wow.

The lady that had taken a seat in front of him was a tall beauty with long brown hair. Her skin was perfectly tanned, and she wore a strapless red dress that left little to the imagination.

"My name is Roxanne."

Even her voice was sexy. Race smiled slightly as he stared at her. "Roxanne."

Roxanne looked at him. "What's your name, sexy?"

Race looked at her for many moments before he finally remembered the question. "Oh! uh- Race, Race Bannon."

She rose from her seat slightly and purred. "Now, before I date anyone, I have to check one thing first, and that is how they kiss. You don't have any objections, do you?"

He found himself shaking his head vehemently, a small smile on his face. Maybe this speed dating thing wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

Roxanne leaned further across the table and joined her lips with his.

Race was feeling a bit lightheaded as he eagerly leaned into the kiss, his thoughts leading into where he would be taking Roxanne for their first date.

However, a voice from beside Race broke into his thoughts.

"So, THIS is what you are up to when I am not around."

Uh-oh. That voice sounded all too familiar.

"Jade?!"

Race didn't have time to react as Jade pushed him away from Roxanne and let loose with a hook punch that connected solidly with his eye.

Partly from surprise and partly from the force of the blow, he fell on the ground and lost consciousness.

* * *

Dr. Quest parked the car near where he had dropped Race off to begin with and checked his watch. He was ten minutes late picking up Race. Surely he wouldn't mind the extra time he could spend with the ladies.

It was then he saw Race stagger out of the restaurant, his right hand over his left eye and his left clutching what looked like a piece of paper. Dr. Quest gaped at the sight of his friend as he reached the car. "Race, are you all right? What happened?"

Race opened the passenger door and slowly sunk into the seat. He handed Dr. Quest what he had been carrying. "See for yourself."

Dr. Quest quickly read the letter, which turned out to be hastily scrawled on the back of a napkin:

_Dear Race,_

_You were the light of my life._

_When we kissed it was like dynamite. Regrettably, when I saw you lip-locked with that desperate excuse for a woman, I knew it was time to move on. Obviously, you mean nothing to me other than a passing thought in the wind. Such is life._

_Jade_

_PS. Ice the eye when you get home, you jerk. I didn't punch you that hard._

Benton put down the letter and looked at Race incredulously. "Jade decked you?"

Race crossed his arms tightly and stared out the window. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Dr. Quest's eyebrows shot upward in amusement as he cranked the car and drove away from the restaurant.

"You know Jade seems to be the only woman you have ever fallen for."

Race shook his head sadly at the obvious pun. "I am never going to live this down."


	5. Chapter 5

_Odd lil fic part - err I lost count: Matchmaker: The Price of a Date_

Benton Quest had the ultimate plan.

Ever since Race had gone on the skids with Jade, he had been moody, combative, and downright evil. The time Race lured him into a bacholorette party was the last straw - he was still getting phone calls from ladies he didn't even know, requesting his 'performance' at parties.

It had taken him many months of lying low, avoiding that hotel, and burning those blasted blue briefs before he felt confident enough to start planning anew. At one point, he thought he was close to success when he made Race go to a speed dating event, but it ended in dismal failure.

Finally, he felt that he had the makings of a plan when two invites to the charity date auction came in the mail for both him and Race to participate in. He figured that it should give him a boost to Race's confidence, and maybe he might get a moment's peace around the compound in return - or so he hoped.

* * *

The next evening, Benton and Race arrived at a hotel near the airport. Dressed in tuxedos, the two men were quickly ushered into the building by the doorman, and at the entrance to the ballroom, Benton handed over two engraved invitations.

Race was looking far from comfortable however. He readjusted his bowtie for the fifth time in as many minutes and grumbled. "I don't know about this, Benton. A charity date auction?"

Benton grabbed Race's arm and dragged him into the ballroom entrance. "Relax, Race. This charity is all about wildlife preservation. They do high profile stuff like this all the time so they can get the money and press to follow what projects they want to do. Just think of all of those beautiful socialites in there waiting for a chance to spend their money to date a man like you."

Race's grumbling eased some. "Let's get this over with then."

They were seated by a waiter at a table near the front of the room. The room itself was situated with close to two dozen tables, and each was decorated with green tablecloths and small plants. White and green streamers were strewn all over the place.

A sizeable crowd was already seated at the various tables, and the male announcer, dressed in a solid green tuxedo, stepped towards the center of the ballroom, microphone in hand.

Race groaned as he recognized the announcer. Stanley had been the one to emcee the speed dating event that had turned out to be an outright disaster. Even though the man had ditched the plaid, Stanley still looked like he needed to be in a dating museum for outdated has-beens.

Stanley kicked off the show. "Welcome one and all to the tenth annual Animal Lovers charity date auction! Ladies, we hope you have brought deep pockets, or deep purses. We have some of the best and most eligible bachelors this side of Maine!"

Dutiful clapping, coupled with a couple of whistles permeated the room.

Stanley held up a hand. "And now, let's get this show on the road!"

* * *

Race shifted in his seat uncomfortably through the first few auctions. He had recognized the men: some were executives, one was a local business owner, and even one had the dubious distinction of being the local weatherman.

Finally Stanley edged over behind his seat. It was now HIS turn.

Stanley built up the crowd. "And now, we have our own Roger Bannon, personal bodyguard to our famous resident, Dr. Benton Quest, though he prefers to go by the nickname 'Race'. Why don't you stand on up here and wave to the ladies?"

Reluctantly, he stood, offering a weak wave to the room. He heard a few whistles, and it served to make him blush.

Stanley put it to the floor. "OK, what can we start the bidding at?"

Race heard a few ladies in the room. They had started the bidding at one hundred dollars, and it seemed to be going up steadily from there.

After a few minutes, it was clear that the bidding had narrowed down to two people: Sabrina Babcock, who was the reigning beauty queen of one of the local festivals, and Mrs. Bentley, the meanest, most hot-tempered sixty-five year old woman that Race ever had the misfortune to meet. Unfortunately, Mrs. Bentley had taken a shine to him of late, and he caught her more than once following him around town, pushing her walker right along.

He hoped and prayed Sabrina's funds would not run out, but after some high spirited bidding, she sat down dejected. Race heard Stanley make the announcement he was dreading: "And Mrs. Bentley wins with a bid of five thousand, three hundred and twenty dollars! How about everyone give a hand for Mrs. Bentley!"

Dutiful clapping ensued as Race spied Mrs. Bentley out of the corner of his eye. She was getting to his feet and was heading straight for him, her infamous walker in tow. He turned slightly, smile pasted on for the crowd's benefit, but the menacing voice he used on Benton made it abundantly clear: "I'll get you for this Benton, if it's the last thing that I do."

Benton smiled and shrugged his shoulders. It hadn't turned out quite the way he planned it, and he knew he would have to make himself scarce come the morning, but the look of sheer panic on Race's face made the whole thing worth it. "Look at it this way, Race, it's for charity after all."

* * *

Stanley looked around for a few moments. "OK, we were supposed to have one more bachelor, but Mr. Hardy apparently didn't show up tonight. That's too bad, well-"

Sensing an end to the night, Benton moved to get out of his chair when he heard Race call out. "Hey! Dr. Quest would be willing to step in!"

Before Benton could speak for himself, he felt Race push him out of his chair towards the announcer, with the effect of nudging him.

Stanley turned around and gushed. "How about this, ladies? Dr. Benton Quest has stepped up to the plate for the animals!"

Dutiful clapping ensued. Benton racked his brains trying to think of some way out of this, but it was too late. The bidding war had already begun and he couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Ladies left and right were holding up their hands.

"Five hundred thousand!"

"Waitaminute! I bid One Million!"

"Two million five hundred thousand!"

Benton boggled at the responses. He had almost been willing to make a matching donation himself to try and get out of this when one lady in a red dress stood up from her seat near the back of the room and said in an overly loud voice. "Ten million Dollars provided the date's tonight and he wears only a Speedo!"

Race smirked as Stanley was sputtering with excitement. "Sold!"

Face flushed, Benton turned around on him, pleading. "Race!"

Laughing, Race shrugged his shoulders. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it, Benton. Look at it this way, it's for charity after all."

Benton cringed, realizing Race was throwing his own words back at him. As Stanley joyfully announced the total bids to the gathered crowd, the lady rushed up from her table. Benton's eyes widened when he noticed that she was waving something in her hand and he nearly choked when he realized WHAT it was - a bright red Speedo.

He made a mental note to get a restraining order in the morning - if he survived.

Race doubled over laughing. "Maybe we can even double date!"

Benton smirked. He amended his mental note to include a call to Jade. Maybe with a little creative storytelling, he could get her jealous enough to come back and - he shook his head as the lady in the red dress squeezed him in a bear hug that cut off his breathing.

Nah, he'd quit it right here. Being a matchmaker was way too dangerous.


	6. Chapter 6

_Odd lil fic part x + y10/2 - Date Aftermath_

Race Bannon felt like a fool.

He sat with his arms folded, and he tried to ignore the man that was sitting beside him.

Never mind that man was Dr. Benton Quest. Never mind that same man was wearing nothing but a red Speedo, but he did blame the man for their current predicament.

For the twentieth time in as many minutes, He had heard Benton pipe up. "Race I-"

Race turned sharply and his tone matched his foul mood. "Do NOT talk to me! Why I listen to you sometimes-"

"Well for one thing, you work for me, and for another I was only trying to help!" Benton retorted.

"Shaddup!"

The voice came from their cell mate, who was apparently there to sleep off his night of excess.

"Can't a self-respecting drunk man get any sleep in jail?"

--

Race turned towards the wall away from Dr. Quest, but the absurdity of the situation was finally starting to sink in, and he laughed. "Benton, you have to admit, tonight was pretty nuts."

After a few moments, he heard his friend laugh. "You're right, and I am sorry Race. If I had known you would have gotten Mrs. Bentley as a date, I would have never made you go. I have to admit, you were right about her."

Race turned back around to face his friend and bit back the urge to laugh at how absurd his friend looked. "Yeah, I figured we would be able to stay safe if we both double dated. Mrs. Bentley was the one that recommended the poker night at the senior center. That had actually sounded like a quiet, sane idea, but who would have known that a food fight could break out?"

Benton grimaced. The memories of the night were coming back to haunt him. "It probably didn't help that my date stole my clothes, forcing me to stay in this-suit."

Race's laugh was long and deep. "Face it, Benton, women find you attractive. Now all you have to do is find one that isn't into 'pinup' type of guys."

Benton snorted. "She bids ten million, gets me to the center, and will not shut up until I change into this thing. I thought I did well by hiding my wallet in the car at least. I tried to reach the car,  
but then I ran into 'your' crowd. With my luck, she's probably got my clothes up on EBay by now, where ever she got to."

Race smirked. "You probably would have been able to reach the car if the poker game hadn't gone belly up. That little old lady Mrs. Reece complemented me on my game play, and Mrs. Bentley lost it and hit her with her cane. Mrs. Reece retaliated by throwing her plate of pie, and  
before long everyone had joined in and we had one world class food fight the kids probably would have loved to have seen."

Race tried running a hand through his hair, but it was too sticky. He grinned as he explained. "I got in a few throws myself, purely for self-defense of course. I'm probably going to be picking out pie crust out of my hair for a week."

"Mrs. Bentley had a pretty mean aim with the hardware and the food products. I had to duck her once or twice myself," Benton chuckled, "but I wonder who called the cops on us?"

"I dunno, but there should have been some at that game." Race reluctantly admitted, "Mrs. Bentley has the family talent for poker. The old girl cleaned me out of twenty bucks before the party broke up."

He stood up, and walked back towards the bars for the cell. "Ah, well look at it this way, this day can't possibly get any worse. I managed to leave a message on the answering machine back at the compound for Mrs. Evans, and we should be bailed out soon. With luck, maybe the worst we'll get is charges of disturbing the peace."

He turned around and noticed Benton's face turn stark white. "Benton, what's wrong?"

Benton reluctantly explained. "For one thing, I gave Mrs. Evans the night off. She wasn't home-"

A new voice piped up, finishing Dr. Quest's statement. "But we were."

Race froze at the sound of the voice. _No, it couldn't be._

He turned back to the bars to find Jessie and Jonny standing there, both kids smiling wide.

Their ever helpful cell mate laughed, the sound echoing off the cell walls. "Oh man, you two are getting bailed out by your kids? I wouldn't be able to show my face in public for a week!"

Race ignored the comment, instead turning back to Jonny and Jessie. "I don't suppose we could make it worth your while to forget that you saw us this way?"

Race inwardly groaned as Jonny and Jessie began laughing long and loud. Something told him that it was going to be a LONG ride home.


	7. Chapter 7

_Odd lil fic, part ten to the power of luv - The Game of Love_

Race Bannon had stopped off at a sidewalk cafe downtown in order to  
grab some lunch. He had come into town to check on some priority mail  
for Dr. Quest and quickly found that he had time to kill, as the  
package he was expecting wasn't due to arrive at the post office for  
another hour.

For his sandwich, he had chosen hot pastrami on rye bread and a soda.  
Once he had his food from the counter, he opted to go outside to one  
of the tables and take a seat. The post office was only a block away,  
and that left him with all of the flexibility in the world. The day  
seemed to be going his way.

"Roger! Yoo-Hoo!"

Race's heart sunk to his toes when he heard the shout. He knew who it  
was and he hoped against hope, but sure enough, there on the sidewalk  
stood one Agatha Bentley. Now a nice robust sixty-six years old, she  
still made her way around town with her choice of either a cane or  
walker. To run afoul of her meant to go up against either implement  
as a weapon, and Race knew from experience that she took no  
prisoners. Unfortunately, Agatha still had a crush on him, for Race  
had caught her continuing to follow him more than once while in town.

He had hoped for a nice quiet lunch alone before having to go back  
home, but from the way the old girl scooted forward in her walker and  
left it parked on the other side of the table, Race knew she meant to  
cut off his only escape.

Agatha smiled. Dressed in a long red sundress and wearing a bow in  
her hair that had been gathered into a bun along with a matching  
purse, she almost looked ready for a night out on the town.

Race gulped. He knew he would have to say something. "Oh, um, Mrs.  
Bentley-"

Making sure her red purse was secure on her shoulder, Agatha grabbed  
the only other chair at the table and carefully pulled it out. "Oh,  
please Roger, you can dispense with the formalities. You know that  
you can call me Agatha."

What he wanted to call was some reinforcements, but Race decided to  
try one last time to be nice. "Ah, actually Agatha, I really have to  
run. I was just finishing my lunch and Doctor Quest really needs me back at the lab."

"Oh, pish-tosh, you haven't even taken a bite of your sandwich,"  
Agatha protested as she eased herself into the available chair, "What  
self respecting employer would let his employees starve?" She leaned  
over and patted his stomach. "You need your nutrition, after all."

He was out of ideas. Being a prisoner of Zin at this point sounded  
better than this. Heck, ANYTHING at this point sounded better than  
this. Race wondered what else could go wrong, when he heard a  
familiar voice call out.

"Race, darling!"

The voice was familiar, and yet it was out of place. When he looked  
up, Race almost had to do a double take to make sure that he was not  
dreaming. "Jade?!"

Sure enough, the woman that had been the bane of his existence and  
his first love stood in front of their table. Jade wore a red blouse  
and khaki colored slacks. She had let her long jet black hair grow  
out, and it fell softly across her shoulders.

Race heard a soft growl and turned back to Agatha, half expecting her  
cat to spring out. However he was shocked to find that it was Agatha  
that was doing the growling.

He watched amazed as Agatha slowly got to her feet. Her voice was low  
and full of reproach. "And just what do you mean by coming over her  
and interrupting Roger's lunch?"

Jade crossed her arms and smiled. "Well, I have actually come to  
claim this man. He owes me a few dinners, among other things."

Agatha's eyebrows rose sharply. "Well now, seeing as I got here  
first, my response would be to tell you to shove off, young lady."

Race did his best to stifle a laugh as he could see flames of anger  
flicker in Jade's eyes. For precious seconds, he wondered what she  
would do, but found it even more unnerving when things simply seemed  
to degenerate into a staring contest. Both of them scowled hard at  
each other - he had to do something. "Ladies-"

Jade held up a hand. "Now Roger, let me take care of this. You seem  
like a reasonable woman Mrs. Bent-"

"Agatha," Agatha hotly corrected.

"Agatha," Jade quickly amended. "You seem like the sporting type.  
How about a challenge? Say - poker? Winner gets the man."

Race sputtered. "Now just a minute-"

Agatha's old eyes gleamed in intensity. "I can't turn down a  
challenge, especially when it's for a worthwhile prize." She looked  
back at Race and batted her eyelashes. "Poker it is. I just so happen  
to have a pack of unopened playing cards in my bag. I was going to  
save 'em for the game tonight at the senior center, but I think I can  
make an exception. Do you fancy your chances with five card draw, or  
is Texas hold 'em your pleasure?"

Jade gave a slight nod to her. "Five card draw seems to fit the  
situation quite nicely. Would you like to deal, or shall I?"

"I shall do the honors, since they are my cards," Agatha  
snapped. "Best of five hands wins. Now as my daddy always said before  
a big competition - it's time to take you down."

--

A half hour later, Race's lunch had long since gone cold, but his  
attention was drawn to the two women sitting across from him. Both  
Agatha and Jade sat hunched over their cards, studying them  
intently. Over the course of the half hour, both of them had taken  
two hands a piece.

It all came down to this hand.

"Well, missy, you have given me quite a run for my money," Agatha  
finally conceded, "but that is coming to an end." She laid her cards  
down on the table, face up. "Three of a kind, king high. Beat that."

Yawning, Jade leaned back in her chair slightly, holding her cards  
against her chest. "You know Agatha, you play a mean game of poker.  
Your reputation is well known. But as a good friend of mine once told  
me - it's not over until it is over."

She then leaned forward, and Race couldn't miss the look of triumph  
in her eyes.

Jade laid her cards face up on the table and declared. "Full house,  
kings high. I win."

Agatha sat frozen in her chair for nearly a minute before leaning  
forward and looking at the cards. Race half expected Agatha to get  
mad at Jade and go after her with her walker, but what Agatha did  
next surprised him.

With a quiet smile, Agatha pulled herself to her feet and began  
gathering the cards. "Girlie, I have to say that was the most  
exciting game of poker that I had ever experienced. You gave me quite  
a run for my money and I thank you."

She then turned to Race. "Roger, I am so sorry I lost my rights to  
you. I shall do my best to forget you. That nice Mr. Fergeson that  
comes to poker night has been pestering me for sometime to go out  
bowling with him, so I just might have to take him up on his offer.  
Jade seems like a lovely match for you anyhow."

Agatha quickly leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek  
before straightening up. "Well, goodbye you two. Have a good  
evening."

Race watched in amazement as Agatha grabbed for her walker and slowly  
made her way down the street.

It had taken nearly ten minutes before Agatha was out of sight, but  
once she was, Race turned to Jade with a relieved expression. "I owe  
you big time."

Jade leaned closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You  
actually owe Benton for the well placed phone call on your behalf  
telling of your 'older woman' troubles. However, I do know of a  
couple of ways that you can show your appreciation to me."

Race's smile faded as he noticed the corner of what looked like a  
playing card poking out from the corner of her blouse. "Jade, did you-

Grinning, Jade moved her arm around and put a hand over his mouth.

"Now, now, 'Roger'. It was a means to an end," she purred, "You  
looked positively helpless when you were sitting over there with her,  
and I knew you would be too much of a gentleman to tell her off. Of  
course, if you'd like, I could go catch up to dear old Agatha and  
confess-"

Race shook his head.

"That's what I thought," She replied simply. Laughing, Jade then  
removed her hand and kissed him.

_Happy Valentine's Day. ;)_


	8. Chapter 8

_This may turn out to be a colossal failure, but after a disasterous visit to the dentist (short of it: needed extraction cause couldn't afford a_  
_root canal, novocaine didn't do a bit of good, OMGOWWIE), I decided to try and give the fear to dentists to someone you wouldn't think would have it, _  
_just to see how that character would handle it._

_So I decided to tort- I mean put it on Race Bannon. See what you think of his 'solution'-_

* * *

[Odd lil Fic] Even Secret Agents Have Their Standards

Malaysia-

In a prefabricated lab building in the jungle, Dr. Quest bent over his latest experiment with a high degree of patience. The building was the size of an average tennis court and divided into three rooms to allow a variety of experiments to be held and still have room for sleeping quarters. Various windows and solar panels around the perimeter allowed in enough natural light and cut down on the amount of power they needed.

For the past week, he and Race Bannon were the lone residents of the lab building. He needed the jungle climate in order to help him cultivate an experiment. Their jungle guide helped them to settle in when Race complained bitterly about a nasty toothache he was experiencing. After a bit of cajoling, Dr. Quest convinced him to allow the guide to take him to the only dentist in the area.

It netted him two hours of peace so far. During the ride over to Malaysia in the Quest jet, Dr. Quest couldn't miss the low groans of pain that Race made. Even during his prep to make the trip over, he caught Race cradling his jaw more than once.

A noise came from behind him. Dr. Quest turned to find that a door was open and that Race Bannon rushed through, quickly slamming it behind him. He couldn't  
miss the strange look on Race's face, so he decided to chance a question. "Race, you are back early – how did the-"

Before he could even finish his question, Dr. Quest heard a loud shrill shout that came from just outside the building: "COME OUT YOU COWARD!"

Okay, this was far from normal.

After giving him a quizzical glance, Race in turn drew his gun out from his holster and glanced out one of the windows. "I escaped. That dentist was  
trying to kill me!"

"Really," Dr. Quest replied carefully as he glanced out the window and winced. "Should a dentist even be wielding a syringe of THAT size?"

Cradling his jaw with one hand and his gun firmly in his other hand, Race grimaced. "Benton, I strongly advise a hasty retreat and a  
flight back to the states."

Despite the immediate danger, Dr. Quest couldn't help but smile. "You know, if you had taken care of this before we  
left-"

"Don't say it," Race groaned. "That's a speech you usually use on Jonny and I think it's uncalled for."

Dr. Quest simply shook his head. "This is coming from a man who has a dentist looking for him and calling him a coward?"

Race chanced a look out the window before shuddering. "He also is fifty pounds heavier and all of that is pure muscle."

It took a moment considering the way Race was acting, but Dr. Quest put two and two together and smirked. "I don't believe it. Race Bannon, secret agent  
and bodyguard, is afraid of the dentist. It fits. You had three different appointments stateside to get your tooth taken care of and each and  
every time when they have come due we've received `urgent communications' from Intelligence-One that required us to leave. I have at least four more  
hours of work to do and considering your attitude on this, you can wait until I finish."

"Benton-"

"-or," Dr. Quest continued, holding up a hand, "If that pain in your tooth is as bad as you say, you can go out and make peace with this guy so that he can help  
you. You heard what our guide said earlier when he agreed to take you to him - this guy is the only dentist for a three hundred mile radius."

"But-"

Dr. Quest turned around, focusing back on the experiment on the table before him. He knew prying in Race's life was dangerous business but it was time that  
his friend faced facts and his fears. The suspicions that Dr. Quest had were confirmed when he finally heard Race mutter before leaving the way he came.

Well, at least he had peace and quiet again.

* * *

It was nearly another two hours when Dr. Quest heard a noise at the door behind him. Turning, he noticed that Race Bannon came through the door again. This  
time, Race walked in a bit slower, cradling his jaw with one hand, and had what looked like a balled up handkerchief in the other.

"Race," Dr. Quest stated in annoyance, "Don't tell me that you didn't do anything about your tooth."

Race's voice was pained but strong, "On the contrary, after a brawl I got into in town, I have the problem well in hand."

And with that, Race placed the handkerchief on a workbench beside him. When Dr. Quest saw the blood stains, it was all he could do to shake his head and turn  
back to the experiment before him on his lab table. "So a well placed punch knocked the tooth out. Isn't that a little extreme, even for you?"

Race had the presence of mind to give him an offended look. "Even secret agents have their standards. Now if you will excuse me, I'll go put some ice on my  
jaw."


End file.
